Self Revisited
As I grow older, I notice how my ever-changing life reflects on my self image and esteem. The stresses of career, failed relationships and the constant pursuit of happiness have taken a toll on how I feel and perceive myself.
I’ve also recently quit smoking, which is bringing me into month 8 or so. In return, I’ve gained more weight than I imagined from the absence of a suppressed appetite. Also, it seems that I have hereditary alopecia and I’ve noticed a drastic progression in the past 2 years. These 2 things alone are enough for a woman to stress out as they play a major role in her physical appearance.
So, naturally I began to feel insecure. Top that off with other values such as today’s job security and satisfaction, economic stresses and personal relationships, and you can easily imagine how deeper the emotions run. It was as if I had a thundercloud over my head that followed me everywhere I go. I was starting to not believe in myself and felt like the prime years of my life were over.
Then something changed. I decided to change. I met someone who I could share all of my hobbies with and who inspired me. I started playing tennis again. I recently bought a bicycle to commute to work and ride for fun on beautiful days. I started to curb my appetite and intake of sweets and junk food. I decided to go on an adventure trip instead of the beach this time. I started to not care about my age and what I have yet to accomplish in life. Priority #1 is no longer my career. I’ve started to attempt to take the pressure off myself.
Now, I see my body and mind gradually morph back into something familiar. I’ve lost the initial ex-smoker’s extra weight, I feel active and healthy and more in tune with nature than I have been in a long time. In all modesty, I knew I was attractive but didn’t believe it for myself lately. Just this week, I’ve felt more sexy and desirable than I’ve felt in a long time. I’m reunited with my full confidence and feel hopeful and youthful again without the burden of everyday adult life. I got so submerged in my responsibilities and became so stressed about everything, that I forgot I used to take life less seriously and would stop to enjoy every little thing. I’m looking forward to my travels to Peru as I believe this will only enhance my spiritual simplicity.
One of my fav bands. “Airline to Heaven” by Billy Bragg and Wilco
Yes! I used to have a bunch of C&H books. This is happy nostalgia :)
