8 Feb 10
4 Feb 10
2 Feb 10

From way up here
the sunsets still blaze bright.
Looking through my window
pink clouds roll out the night.
I still wear your blue t-shirt
every night I go to sleep.
The worn threads cover my skin.
Memories close by they keep.
When friends are too busy
filling houses of their own,
I put on some Marvin Gaye.
He helps bring it home.
Sometimes it’s hard to see
beyond the poison and blur.
But when I finally face myself,
I think I can take care of her.
I have to find another peak
somewhere new for you and I.
I can only look up and climb
to the top where man meets sky.
I will go for you and for me.
Just like we talked and dreamed.
We will find peace and new life.
Together in mind. Together redeemed.
0 notes
27 Jan 10
26 Jan 10
24 Jan 10
What is your American Dream? Does it include a modern house filled with an average of two kids, a dog like Benji and a spouse that’s everything you ever wanted in a partner? Or is your American Dream about being the envy of the town with your super status job and financial success? Maybe it’s even more simple and basic than that. Is your American Dream about having the opportunities and blessings of living in this country? Or is it about the freedom of speech and expression that leaves others to dream?
My American Dream had components of all of these things. I was in a relationship that had potential to become “the one”, I was like a mother figure to the son of my man and it seemed I was on a sure path to success in my career. Then it all came crashing down in a single day.
I had everything I knew taken away from me: the man I had come to know and love, the comfort and routine of living day-to-day with him and the future I had imagined with him and his son. One sunny morning in September, my American Dream was bombed with unpredictable catastrophe by Life.
At the time of Jon’s accident, I was unemployed. I was a victim of the Economy of 2009. I don’t have to explain how that makes anyone feel about themselves and their security. I thought to myself, “at least I still have Jon and my family”.
I no longer have the American Dream. Those who have fulfilled and sustained their dream are blessed with that luxury. They are the rare, fortunate ones. What I have now is what I call Modern Necessity. Now, I only strive to sustain my standard of living, heal from grief and evil, and ensure my family has security. I only see career and self-development in my near future. My hope for an original, nuclear family of my own dwindles as each year goes by. At the very least, it seems bigger forces have influenced me to put this on the backburner.
I feel like I’ve been a fool and blind to how things really were. I’ve watched too many Rogers and Hammerstein films growing up. There’s a stark difference between fairytales and reality. Eventually, you have to draw the line in your life. You have to choose which dreams are going to be attainable and which ones are going to be stored away. I hate to say this because I believe you can do anything you set your mind to, but there’s a limit. You can’t pursue every single dream you have in your lifetime. In saying that, I regress and say that I thought I was on the way to my American Dream. That has been shattered by exterior motives and I can’t be in love with the idea anymore.
When Life forces you out, you move on and strive on. That’s exactly what I’m doing.
1 note
14 Jan 10
17 Dec 09
10 Dec 09
"You can try to rewrite history, but you can’t erase personal memories and reality."
0 notes
jon
broom
26 Nov 09
1. My healthy and strong parents
2. Jon’s recovering life and body
3. My true friends who accept things as they are and me as I am
4. My job and coworkers
5. My health and will power
6. Forgiving and being forgiven
7. Time
8. Strangers who reach out and extend a helping hand or lend an ear
9. Collaboration with others for a greater good
10. Home
11. Memories in music
12. My 2003 Murano which has 137,000 miles but still runs good
13. Support from across the globe
14. Being able to take a vacation
15. Being able to laugh and enjoy life
16. Having motivation, ambition and drive
17. Help from a higher power when things get too heavy
18. People, thoughts and things that won’t let me give up when I’m down
19. The stillness and beauty in nature
20. Appetite, sleep and comfort
21. Being able to give, receive and feel love
22. Staying sensitive to the outside world around me
23. Being surrounded by talented, creative, smart people
24. Hope and faith return when they seem gone
25. Medical insurance and benefits
26. Patience
27. Tolerance for things that I could do without
28. The realization of what really matters most
29. Safety and protection
30. I am 30 and alive
1 note
thanksgiving
2009